How To Reunite With Your Ex: Relationship Breakup Advice
Posted by Garry D on Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Under: Relationship repair
After the end of most relationships, there is usually at least one person who regrets the breakup and wishes for reconciliation. Because of this, there are just as many looking for reunion advice as there are looking for relationship breakup advice. And, no matter who is asked, there ends up being roughly 8 simple steps to winning your ex back.
It can't be stated enough that harassing or stalking your ex is an absolute NO. It is illegal in many places. It creates emotional blackmail that will eventually lead to your partner resenting you should you two actually get back together.
Step 1 in getting your ex back is to adhere to a strict policy of No Contact. Don't call him or her. Don't send him or her letters. Don't drop by his or her house. The whole point is that your ex can't begin to miss you unless he or she is cut off completely. Naturally, if you work or go to school with your ex, or if have children with him or her, no contact just isn't feasible. In this case, limit the contact to only times that cannot be avoided.
The second step is to stay busy. You want your ex to hear positive things about you while you are away. Your ex will believe that the breakup was the right choice if he or she hears you are moping around and being depressed. But, he or she will start to see you as the person he or she was attracted to if you are busy and happy.
Step 3 involved personal improvement. This is the point where you make a moral inventory of yourself to determine what personality and emotional issues you have that might have contributed to the breakup. Then, you need to take the time and resources to deal with these problems in constructive ways such as therapy. Personal improvement will lead to an inner peace that will radiate throughout your life. A bare minimum of one month should be given to step 3 before moving onto the next step.
The first contact is the fourth step. This should be done over the telephone and should be kept very brief and should be very casual in mood. The reason for the contact should be non controversial and the topic of your relationships should NEVER be broached or spoken about at all. Be breezy. Be flirty. Make small compliments. Your goal is to be a person with whom a conversation is a pleasant experience.
The fifth step is to engage in future casual conversations. Over time, your ex will begin to feel at ease talking to you. He or she may even start to ask if you miss him or her or if you wonder what happened to the relationship. Remember, remain nonchalant. Make sure he or she knows that you do in fact think about the past but are much more interested in what he or she is thinking about at this moment. Encourage the sharing of feelings. Make sure you LISTEN because it will help you to understand what went wrong in the relationship. And, always remember that the comfort zone should never be violated. If he or she wants to change the subject, then let the subject be changed
The sixth step is to never play the blame game. Also, do not beg for forgiveness. Either of these will make your ex feel you are depressed or are threatening to his or her comfort zone
The seventh rule is to evolve your contact from mere conversations to face to face meetings, and eventually dates. This takes a lot of patience for your ex to feel comfortable enough to meet you for drinks. During these dates your ex may feel relaxed enough to start talking about the failed relationship. When this happens, make sure that you always use 'I statements.' Do not back your ex up against the wall but never allow yourself to be used as a doormat. It is during these beginning dates that you will let your ex know about all of the personal improvements you have made. This will plant the seed in your ex's mind that what were issues in the past will not be issues in the future.
Step 8 is when romance is added back into the equation. This happens gradually as your ex begins to feel more and more comfortable with you. Make sure the romance is non-threatening. It will remind him or her why he or she fell in love with you.
Just be patient. Over time these steps will help you and your partner to build a new and stronger relationship.
It can't be stated enough that harassing or stalking your ex is an absolute NO. It is illegal in many places. It creates emotional blackmail that will eventually lead to your partner resenting you should you two actually get back together.
Step 1 in getting your ex back is to adhere to a strict policy of No Contact. Don't call him or her. Don't send him or her letters. Don't drop by his or her house. The whole point is that your ex can't begin to miss you unless he or she is cut off completely. Naturally, if you work or go to school with your ex, or if have children with him or her, no contact just isn't feasible. In this case, limit the contact to only times that cannot be avoided.
The second step is to stay busy. You want your ex to hear positive things about you while you are away. Your ex will believe that the breakup was the right choice if he or she hears you are moping around and being depressed. But, he or she will start to see you as the person he or she was attracted to if you are busy and happy.
Step 3 involved personal improvement. This is the point where you make a moral inventory of yourself to determine what personality and emotional issues you have that might have contributed to the breakup. Then, you need to take the time and resources to deal with these problems in constructive ways such as therapy. Personal improvement will lead to an inner peace that will radiate throughout your life. A bare minimum of one month should be given to step 3 before moving onto the next step.
The first contact is the fourth step. This should be done over the telephone and should be kept very brief and should be very casual in mood. The reason for the contact should be non controversial and the topic of your relationships should NEVER be broached or spoken about at all. Be breezy. Be flirty. Make small compliments. Your goal is to be a person with whom a conversation is a pleasant experience.
The fifth step is to engage in future casual conversations. Over time, your ex will begin to feel at ease talking to you. He or she may even start to ask if you miss him or her or if you wonder what happened to the relationship. Remember, remain nonchalant. Make sure he or she knows that you do in fact think about the past but are much more interested in what he or she is thinking about at this moment. Encourage the sharing of feelings. Make sure you LISTEN because it will help you to understand what went wrong in the relationship. And, always remember that the comfort zone should never be violated. If he or she wants to change the subject, then let the subject be changed
The sixth step is to never play the blame game. Also, do not beg for forgiveness. Either of these will make your ex feel you are depressed or are threatening to his or her comfort zone
The seventh rule is to evolve your contact from mere conversations to face to face meetings, and eventually dates. This takes a lot of patience for your ex to feel comfortable enough to meet you for drinks. During these dates your ex may feel relaxed enough to start talking about the failed relationship. When this happens, make sure that you always use 'I statements.' Do not back your ex up against the wall but never allow yourself to be used as a doormat. It is during these beginning dates that you will let your ex know about all of the personal improvements you have made. This will plant the seed in your ex's mind that what were issues in the past will not be issues in the future.
Step 8 is when romance is added back into the equation. This happens gradually as your ex begins to feel more and more comfortable with you. Make sure the romance is non-threatening. It will remind him or her why he or she fell in love with you.
Just be patient. Over time these steps will help you and your partner to build a new and stronger relationship.
In : Relationship repair
Tags: relationship breakup advice
