How To Reunite With Your Ex: Relationship Breakup Advice
Yearning for reconciliation is a common feeling for at least one person after a relationship ends. This leads to a plethora of relationship breakup advice dealing with "how to get your ex back." Almost all of this advice boils down to eight steps.
It can't be stated enough that harassing or stalking your ex is an absolute NO. It is illegal in many places. It creates emotional blackmail that will eventually lead to your partner resenting you should you two actually get back together.
The first step in reuniting with your ex is to actually have no contact what-so-ever. There should be no phone calls, letters, or "dropping by." Your ex cannot begin to "miss" you unless you aren't there. Of course, if you and your ex are co-workers or coeds, or if you share children, then having no contact is impossible. In this instance, you should limit your contact to situations that cannot be circumvented.
The second step is to stay busy. You want your ex to hear positive things about you while you are away. Your ex will believe that the breakup was the right choice if he or she hears you are moping around and being depressed. But, he or she will start to see you as the person he or she was attracted to if you are busy and happy.
Step 3 involved personal improvement. This is the point where you make a moral inventory of yourself to determine what personality and emotional issues you have that might have contributed to the breakup. Then, you need to take the time and resources to deal with these problems in constructive ways such as therapy. Personal improvement will lead to an inner peace that will radiate throughout your life. A bare minimum of one month should be given to step 3 before moving onto the next step.
Once personal development is well on its way, you may take steps to initiate first contact. This contact should be only a brief conversation over the telephone. Keep it casual and make sure the reason for the contact is congenial. At no point should you ever discuss the relationship or the breakup. Just keep it carefree and even a little flirty. The object is to leave your ex with the impression that you are a pleasant person to have a conversation with.
The fifth step is to engage in future casual conversations. Over time, your ex will begin to feel at ease talking to you. He or she may even start to ask if you miss him or her or if you wonder what happened to the relationship. Remember, remain nonchalant. Make sure he or she knows that you do in fact think about the past but are much more interested in what he or she is thinking about at this moment. Encourage the sharing of feelings. Make sure you LISTEN because it will help you to understand what went wrong in the relationship. And, always remember that the comfort zone should never be violated. If he or she wants to change the subject, then let the subject be changed
It is important to remember that you never blame your ex for what went wrong. You should also never beg for forgiveness. Blaming and begging cast you in a depressed light and makes others very uncomfortable.
The seventh step is to slowly evolve the contact with your ex from casual conversations to comfortable personal meetings or dates. By this time your ex will feel comfortable enough with you to meet for drinks or coffee. In fact, during these dates your ex may feel at ease enough to start talking about the past. Always make sure that you use I-statements, never put your ex on the spot, and never allow yourself to be walked over. Make sure that you let your efforts in personal improvement be known. This will assuage any fears that the same problems will develop should a new relationship be pursued.
Step 8 is when romance is added back into the equation. This happens gradually as your ex begins to feel more and more comfortable with you. Make sure the romance is non-threatening. It will remind him or her why he or she fell in love with you.
Take your time and be understanding. With time, you can construct a fresh and satisfying relationship.
